Some while ago I wrote an article called “Why I don’t want to be known as an Internet Marketing Guru” If you missed it, here’s the link.

For some time now I’ve been watching the sales process of a whole range of self-proclaimed gurus and thought it was time to make some comments about some observations. So here goes…

My concern is around the notion of ‘Get Rich Quick’ or as a friend recently called it, the ‘Get Out Of Jail Free’ syndrome.

This is the process:

It starts with a campaign focused on having you subscribe to a series of emails designed to encourage to you get their ‘insider secret’ to instant success. The aim is to get you to an online webinar or to a public seminar. Once there, you’re given some clues about their process and encouraged to sign up for either a longer seminar which seems enticing, especially when it’s free or very low in price.

Now it starts with a process intended to have you believe your life is in the toilet. That working for someone else is a tragedy and that you can fulfil your dreams IF you follow their plan… That plan is to attend yet another course (this time very expensive) at which they encourage you to set goals for an impossible dream lifestyle. Just like the one they’re living. You’re convinced that it’s possible and that to achieve it, you must do what they do.

So you go home and tell your significant other that you’re on your way, yet you probably forget to tell them that you’ve put $10,000 on the credit card and have to go to another seminar, this time in Fiji. Their eyes glaze and the questions start.
•    Are you crazy?
•    How can we afford this?
•    What were you thinking?

And in a huff, you retire to the blue corner and sulk, wondering if you’re ever going to achieve the promised result.

What you also haven’t told them is that you’re going to quit your day job to create a wonderful new business based on your life’s dream.

Invigorated by last night’s teleseminar where your guru gives you your homework, you call a graphic artist friend and get a logo and business card done and suddenly, your new business entity is off and running.

“Hmmm, I need some customers” so you join a business networking group with the idea that your new friends will queue to buy your new service. Yet they don’t. They pay you lipservice and after six meetings, you ask the convenor for your money back. “Networking doesn’t work for me” you claim. Sadly for you, they reveal you have subscribed for 12 months and no, there are no refunds.

Now you’re desperate so you find someone to build you a website. Another $3,000 spent. Nobody visits the site, nobody subscribes to your newsletter.

You’ve fallen for another trap – the myth that if you build it, they will come; when the truth is that if you build it, they won’t come.
Until you promote it.

So now you’re looking for an SEO expert – someone who can help you get your site up the rankings on your favourite search engine. They tell you that you need professional copy, keyword research, backlinks, articles posted on numerous other sites, a social media campaign and that it’s going to cost you $4,000 plus. And your card is maxed…

Off to the search engine to find an SEO course and the whole roundabout of guru selection starts again. Who to believe, which seminars should I attend, should I buy this ‘proven method’ DVD set for $1,500? You settle for a $97 eBook and get to work.

Six weeks later, there’s almost no cash coming in. You’ve jagged four or five sales at a very low price to establish credibility and to get a couple of testimonials but there’s no real money and the card needs paying.

Your next step is to research sponsored link advertising (that’s those little four line ads on your search engine’s results page) and of course, you need help as it isn’t as easy as it looks. Another research project, another decision: DVDs or an eBook. The book’s cheaper so off you go again

After ten days of advertising with no result, you’ve spend another $500 on adverts and it’s getting serious.

You book a private consultation with your first guru and come to the crashing realisation that you’ve probably been conned.

Career destroyed, reputation damaged, thousands of dollars owed on your cards and an angry significant other. So now you do what you should have done to start with; research the guru.

What you find is that they went through a very blank stage in life where everything went pear-shaped. Maybe they were broke, lost their home and their relationship. Maybe they went to live on a mountain top or on an island; maybe they lived in a caravan for two years while they sorted themselves out.

Now you see their game for what it is.

It’s easy to be a prophet when there are no financial or family demands on your time. They researched their topic (known as selling hope) and worked out how to use hypnotic language patterns to convince others they can show them how to get to the Promised Land. And how to get your money along the way.

Hiding behind a website with no real address, taking your calls on a mobile and only ever meeting you in a coffee shop, they have no indemnity insurance and their business is a $2 company of which they are the sole director. And the Company name changes regularly. Your money has been spent on their lifestyle, flashy cars and overseas trips.

Disheartened and disillusioned after reading all the forum threads and negatives about your once-trusted mentor, you head dips and you again retire to the blue corner to admit to your loved ones that they were right.

What’s the address of that jobs site again?

While you may be laughing at the irony of this message, secretly you know you’ve been a victim somewhere, sometime.

Know that you’re not alone. I personally know of several ‘gurus’ pushing the Get Out Of Jail Free program. Unethical operators who despite their apparent sincerity don’t give a cuss about you.

Legal restrictions prevent me from revealing them but I want them to know that slowly but surely, they will be revealed and shamed. We’re watching…

Hi, you most likely know by now that my prime focus these days is at Mediaglue where we’re having a great time building websites, doing graphics and copy for entrepreneurial business owners seeking growth.

What’s more, I’ve ‘come out of retirement’ to resume my well known sales training program, ‘How to Gain and Retain More Customers’. Check out the dates for upcoming courses at How to Gain and Retain More Customers

Here’s some feedback from recent programs:

“Thanks James

I have heard so much of today in bits and pieces. What I got today is why traditional selling from a prepared folder doesn’t work and more importantly what to do to establish if I can help my prospect and if I can what has to happen next and get more sales that proceed.”

Debra Jarvis, Feng Shui Miracles P/L

“Fanatastic course; designed for the sales person who wants to be different to others out there in the market place. Getting the same result “NO SALE” because they sound the same. Be different, Do James’ Course!”

Carl Simms, Independent Contractor

“This is the first sales training I’ve done. I am glad I haven’t wasted my time with other courses. I learnt a great deal of valuable information in a very short space of time. I’m really looking forward to going through the manual and learning how I can do it better. Thank you for passing over your valuable information James. I know it will make a difference to me.”

Sarah Hindmarsh, Elevation

“I did this training about 4 years ago and got so much out of it so doing it a 2^nd time solidified the initial learning and some its been great doing at a 2^nd time as I have learnt even more.”

Vicki Sparks, Connect Working

“Insightful – useful – down to earth techniques, which make a lot of sense. Has generated many thoughts on how to adapt these techniques to own business. Thank you for a great educational event – we look forward to business growth as a direct result”.

Peter Varcoe, WIN Financial Network

Thanks James – It’s been a most enjoyable & informative day

Janeece Giraldo, WIN Financial Network

More on The Coffee Club…

Most Thursday evenings I go to a business networking function that is held at Coffee Club, Park Road, Milton.This venue is managed by a very capable guy called Matthew who has the ability (among other abilities) to remember what one’s coffee and alcohol preferences are. I always have a chat with Matthew when I’m there, he’s a good guy.

Anyway, last night I was telling him about my recent experiences with the Station Road Indooroopilly Coffee Club and he made an impassioned plea: “Please don’t paint all Coffee Clubs with the same brush”.

He was right. Park Road  Coffee Club IS a cut above the rest. Thanks for reminding me mate.

I’m amazed how many people I talk with about coffee shops / cafes in Brisbane. Most would gladly go elsewhere but The Coffee Club. Park Road is a little different; it isn’t the same snobby Italian atmosphere as most of Park Road.

Update on Coffee Club Station Road…

This post started some months ago and I have been there twice in the last two weeks. Both visits were very disappointing.  The worst was one morning this week when I went there for breakfast with a client. The food was dreadful. Three tiny sausages, each no bigger than my thumb, a small serve of mushrooms, and fried eggs that lifted off my plate in one piece on my fork. Two thin slices of toast and a mug of black coffee - and it was over $20!

I’d had enough and spoke to the owner. Here’s the deal, the value breakfast at Maccas around the corner is a quarter of the price. It tastes better and the environment is nicer. At Maccas they always have a Courier-Mail yet at this Coffee Club, some days they do, some they don’t. When I asked for one to read before my client arrived, they said they hadn’t had time to go get one. The newsagency is 50 m down the road, I could have walked to get one while they made my coffee.

And how about you clear the tables when customers finish their meals instead of leaving them there until they leave?

More and more people I talk to tell me they try their hardest NOT to meet people at Coffee Clubs. I hope you’re paying attention down at West End?

If you’re looking for somewhere other than Coffee Club at Stones Corner,  try Stones Throw Cafe. Good food, good coffee, great service, wonderful business-orineted environment, and they clear the tables!

Please let me know where you prefer to meet people…

Earlier post:

The franchise team down at Coffee Club’s HQ must sometimes wonder what some of their franchisees are thinking…

An iconic institution, with one of the most effective marketing tag lines ever; “Where will I meet you?” the Coffee Club is sadly sinking into a morass of ordinariness. Unspectacular coffee and a very tired menu is causing Brisbanites to find new and different venues for their social and business meetings. I’m really tired of lemon pepper Calamari with chips…

I should add that the search is generally in vain as there are few good coffee shops in Brisbane but that’s another story.

Anyway, back to Station Road, and why they must be pulling their hair out.

The darn place is never open. No kidding, 4pm (some days even earlier) and stumps are pulled. Play is over. Saturday afternoon, Sunday, drive past in the afternoon and it’s closed. Meet me at the Coffee Club in Station Road? No, they’re probably going to be closed. Try the two café’s across the road instead. Individual, eclectic, owners who really try to make it a great experience,

People do eat out in the evening around Indooroopilly. There are several venues open along the Station Road strip; starting at the top, there’s the Pig ‘n Whistle, several café’s and Asian venues and at the bottom, The Inrda pub, more café’s and the ice creamery. Across the railway line, there’s also Castelli’s and on the way up to the roundabout, McDonalds and at the roundabout, KFC, Noodle Box and Pizzas. Surely it’s not lack of available trade that causes the Coffee Club to close at 4pm?

Imagine if the Mac Café decided to close at 4pm every day? What would the Franchisor do or say? Methinks there would be some pretty heavy discussions and some very direct talking.

Guys, you’re becoming complacent. Inconsistent opening times across the chain, failing service standards and tired menus. You have an iconic brand and you’re resting on your laurels. Beware the Gatling Gun as your army fight it out in the trenches with swords and pitchforks. The Gatling Gun?

The Gatling Gun effect is a term I coined some years ago to describe the impact of an unexpected fleet-footed, savvy, aggressive competitor in your comfortable marketplace.

McDonalds had to change their offerings to compete with Subway. They had to change their packaging when the public outcry about their eco-unfriendly boxes became too much. They reacted to the outcry caused by the movie “Supersize me”.

What has to happen to cause you to react, Coffee Club?

I don’t know why it is people think that because I’m into sales and marketing, I’m a “natural” target for network marketing opportunities.

Let me set the record straight for once and forever: if you’re even thinking about approaching me as either a prospect, or to do training or coaching for a network marketing business; sorry, I’m not your guy. (FYI, I do use the products of several MLM Companies, though!)

Thanks.